icklelozza

"Let noone live for themselves, we were born to live for somebody Else."

Sunday, December 03, 2006

I went to church in Oxford this morning and wasn't expecting what I found there. A guy preached about the reformation that is taking place in the church. The restoration of the ministry of Jesus to the life of the church and more that is coming to the church. He talked about the Reformation of 500 years ago. He mentioned the martyrs in Oxford who cried out "Let our lives have lit a candle for the gospel that will burn like a fire and never go out" as they were literally burnt at the stake in that place. He talked about the fact that there blood cries out from the generations as another reformation takes place in this nation and calls to wholehearted devotion to the One that is. He talked about how we live actually in the place of reformation, literally, this is where much of it took place then and where the Lord is restoring now. Its now, it is so now.

And I sat there and felt the heavens shifting. I felt the purpose and destiny over the church in this nation as hundreds cried out to God saying they were hungry and desperate for him to come in power as they realised their words meant nothing without power. I move to London today to begin the next stage of the journey and it is no coincidence that I heard what I heard this morning. The Lord wanted me to know loud and clear the context in which I am going. All of heaven goes with me. My mind cannot even fathom what he is going to do here. I feel it, my spirit knows it but for now I trust cos I don't think I could handle it if I could see it. My spirit is all over the place, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Kingdom of heaven come. Just come. Please come.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


Sometimes its all about being real....infact most of the time actually. I have been challenged this week as it seems like in every conversation I have had I have either been blessed by others being real about where they struggle or I know I have been of help to those around me by being open with them.

Why do we hide? Why do I unconciously seek to downplay my weakness even when I don't realise it? Why am I surprised that I find it the most refreshing when those I love and respect are real with me and yet so often I fail to be the same with them. I am learning to celebrate my weakness, not to glorify it but to glorify Him who turns it around and shows who He is through it.

And I am learning to pray "Bring on the weakness, bring on the feelings of being at the end of my rope, bring on the impossible situations" so He has room to move, so He can be all things to me instead of the inevitable self reliance that comes in the comfort zone. And I realise I have to live in that place and I find myself living there more and more as I step out in this journey. And fo that place I am grateful because it is there that I am alive in Him and I know what I was created for.

Once again I am not sure what this week holds, the amount of stuff going on right now is too much to hold in my wee hands so I think I will just give it over to the hands that are infinetly bigger than mine.

Monday, November 13, 2006

I feel frustrated.

I went to London and onthe train I read mahesh Chavda's book, "Only love can make a miracle" and I nearly began to cry on the way home. A cry rose up inside of me from deep inside, a cry that longs for me to be doing what I was created to do inthe place I am called to do it. I get home and find out that there has been a problem with the mortgage for the flat. I feel that there is definately a war over this, hell does not want me to move. And yet I have total peace, Jesus has already won and his plans and his purposes will be worked out I am just battle weary and have found the best solution is just to position myself so that He can do the fighting. There are a lot of unknowns right now and that is ok cos I know he knows, I have just stopped even attempting to work it out.

I also met a guy called martin tonight. He had just knicked two cans of cider from Tescos and was sat on the side of the street with his life in a bag, wasted. I chatted for a while. I asked him what had brought him to London, he said a train (that was quite funny!) He was not keen to divulge much but yet was desperate to chat, to someone, anyone. I looked into his drunken eyes and saw layers upon layers of hurt, pain and disappointment and yet a glimmer of hope. We finished chatting and I left with a barage of questions buzzing round my spirit and my brain.

Sometimes I realise that I don't have a clue how to do any of this. You just come face to face with your helplessness before God and once again relaise that unless He comes the whole thing is pointless. I genuinely cannot love unless he shows me how. I have to have his mind, his heart, his hands and his feet. He has to come, I don't even know how to pray. I am deeply and 100% reliant on him transforming me into his likeness for any of this to make sense. A while ago he told me that the vision wasn't mine it was His. It totally is. It has to be cos he really is the only one who can accomplish it while I lay down.
And to think that I had any part in it at all..........thankfully I was wrong.

Sunday, November 12, 2006


The latest and most exciting news is..... I have purchased a flat in London!!!! Stuff is still going through like the mortgage etc but its pretty much official, its amazing. I am so excited I am not sure where to put myself.

That was Friday that the whole flat thing happened, I have just returned from Southampton where I caught up with some amazing peeps and realise how much I miss church family there. I did nearly kill Miche and Joe with my driving, there truly is a special measure of protection and grace on my car. Only I could not see a "No entry" sign, go through it and then nearly hit a Vauxhall Corsa, amazing, haha!

Not sure what this week holds......

Monday, November 06, 2006

Simon Zhao.

Probably not a name anyone would have heard of. Last night I read his story and I have to share it, it wrecked me.
Simon Zhao got saved in China and during a prayer meeting one night the Lord gave him a vision. He placed his hands over a map of China and the Lord focused his prayers on the Northwest region of China and the regions beyond, into the surrounding nations. He met other Christians who had received the same vision and he led a group of fervent believers left their homes to travel to the northern region of China and the surrounding states. For much of the way they were on foot, but there were some areas they were unable to walk such as the desert so they travelled on a horseback and camelback heading towards the northwest border with the Soviet Union. On the way they won many soldiers to Christ as it was a troubled time in China's history with civil war and internal chaos.

Within two weeks of their arrival every single member of the team was sentenced to prison, Simon Zhao was the only one to see out his sentence alive. His wife was pregnant at the time, she and her unborn child died in prison in 1959 and he only found out in 1973. Simon Zhao spent the next 31 years in prison. For years Simon secretly witnessed to some of his fellow prisoners and some believed. He was beaten and tortured day after day night after night. The seed of the "back to jerusalem" vision the Lord had given him died and went underground.

Simon later recalled how, during those harsh years, he would look up to the stars and remember the vision God had given him to take the gospel by foot all the way back to Jerusalem. In the early years of his imprisonment when the guards and prisoners weren't watching, Simon often prayed, "Lord Ii will never go back to jerusalem but I pray you will raise up a whole generation of chinese believers who will complete the vision." Over time Simon Zhao lost the fire and passion for the vision but he never denied the Lord Jesus who had given him that vision. During the long years behind bars he wrote this poem:
"I want to experience the same pain and suffering
Of Jesus on the cross.
The spear in his side, the pain in his heart
I'd rather feel the pain of shackles on my feet
Than ride through Egypt on Pharoahs chariot."

In 1981 he was released. Nobody in the whole of China was waiting for him when he walked into freedom. Everyone he had known 31 years early had either died or forgotten about him. He made a hut outside the gates of the labor camp and he would often wonder about the call the Lord had given him as a young man. He had tried to faithfully obey God but it had not worked out. For months he remained there, silent except for hhis daily prayers of thanksgiving to the King of Kings who had proved so faithful and never forsaken him during all those painful years. Without Jesus Christ, Simon knew he would have died a thousand deaths.

Local Christians made contact with Simon and his story spread from church to church all over China about the miracle man who had been suatained by God for 31 years in prison. A group of house church leaders heard his story and headed across China to meet with him. They wanted to publish his story in the magazine of the underground church. He refused and said " I don't want any attention to be focused on me." Eventually they persuaded Simon to return to eastern china to share the vision the Lord had given him with the house churches in the midst of reveival.
They had no money to buy him a seat on the 4 day train ride to eastern china, he just found a spot on the floor and curled up on a newspaper.

He ministered in the churches in Henan and lit a fire in the heart of everyone around him. For many house church leaders the Back to Jerusalem vision became very clear and God placed on them a heavy burden to see this vision fulfilled.

Simon Zhao went to be with the Lord in December 2001. He was 83 and he died amongst Christians who loved him. His life was a remarkable one. His life began with a dream from the Lord and before it came to fulfilment his vision was put to the ground where it died while he unjustly suffered at the hands of his captors, remembered by noone but God.
However, unbeknown to him , the Lord was sowing the same vision amongst many Christians in China. After his release Gos graciously granted him another 20 years of ministry. Before he died he realised that "God's gifts and his calling are irrevocable." (Rom. 11 v 29)

Simon Zhao learnt that the Lord always finishes what he starts and is always faithful to fulfil all his promises.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006


It's official, I'm moving.

I woke up the other morning and Holy Spirit whispered "It's time." And I knew it. Long story short I have a new job, a new car and possibly a new apartment in the space of 24 hours. When Popa says "Move" he sure means it!

I finally get to move to London, to walk straight into Popa's promises. Its a new day.

Will keep you posted.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

The preciousness is in the waiting........

This is what Holy Spirit said last night after I realised I truly am in a waiting season. I pondered this for a while and let the truth of it sink in. I realised that the waiting makes the arrival of the promise even more beautiful. But also the waiting process itself can actually be really amzing. You ssee when the promise arrives you rarely think about the waiting season so to draw all thats great from this time you have to realise its preciousness now. Then I looked up "waiting" in the Bible and realised pretty sharpish that the promises for those who wait are immense over and over again all through out scripture.

I also realised that waiting is not just a precursor to the promise that you know is coming, its a specific season that Popa wants to bless you in as much as the arrival of the promise itself. This time next week my life could be flung into transition and then I will never have this time again in quite the same way. There is a simple trust I am learning that can only be learned in these circumstances right now. Precious.

On a side note, am slightly behind in marathon training but only a week, am stepping up the pace now, back to the grindstone!